Inner Reflections

Have you ever had one of those eye opening moments that you look at your children with their developing personalities and temperaments and see a COMPLETE reflection of YOU. Definitely sometimes a scary realization. I had one of those moments tonight. I was sitting at the dinner table feeding Megan and I just had a break down moment with the Lord during prayer, particulary praying over my parenting and just in need of His presence and strength in this stage of life in parenting a strong willed child. When I brought my head up from prayer with tears in my eyes trying to avoid looking at anyone, I glanced over at Emma who was sitting across from the table from me. Being so socially inclined, she saw tears in my eyes right away and two seconds after her lips began to quiver and then she just broke down crying. From my last post you might remember me talking about Emma and her strong will, well that for sure she got from me. My mom always jokes and says Emma’s behaviors and temperaments are payback for what I put my mom through with my own very strong will and temperament. That similarity was never a question, but when I saw Emma burst out crying because of my tears, I couldn’t stop PRAISING the Lord for Emma’s sensitive spirit and compassion. I always believed it was my sensitive spirit that SAVED ME from continuing to walk down pathways that were leading me to sin. Due to my strong will and wanting what I wanted, I allowed my will to control my decisions rather then submitting my will to the Father at various times in my life. The Lord was always so faithful to bring me back to truth, humility, and submission BECAUSE of the sensitive spirit HE put in me and the incredible godly friends he gave me also. I believe this sensitive spirit God has given my strong willed love bug will be God’s tool to keep her close to Him and help pick her back up when she falls, as He had me time and time again. Of course when she broke out crying, I held her and told her Mommy is ok. I told her that I love her with all my heart and I pray for her to love Jesus and that she will obey Him by obeying us everyday. When I told her that, she took off the princess crown she had on her head and put it on my head, she then hugged me, kissed my cheek, then rubbed my face and back. She said the most precious words; “Mommy, there is not need to cry”, “It is ok”, “I love you”. How precious God is to speak to us through our children, to remind us that it is ok and that we are loved even when we feel so low.